Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
