If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
