If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
