I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
