So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
