I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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