She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
