Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
