then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
