I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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