so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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