Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
