is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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