So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
