I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
