Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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