Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
