no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
