Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
