If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The Olympian is in my bed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
