I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
