My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
