1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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