I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
