No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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