I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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