i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
