Im at strip club and am horny
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
