your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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