I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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