in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
