dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
