if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
