Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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