just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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