and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
