I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So squirting runs in the family.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
