she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
