A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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