Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
