Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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