cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
