i wish starbucks made bloody marys
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can't put those talents on a resume
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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