So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
