I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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