Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
