Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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