I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We need a shit load of segways right now
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
