Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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