Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I want to make a zoo with you.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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