just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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