just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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