We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
