suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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