note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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