i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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